We Need to Have an Anarchist President
by Annie Desmond, age 13
All the stupid presidential candidates out there are just completely
stupid. Why is Bush running again? I thought you were only
allowed to serve two terms. Whatever. And Gore is just completely
stupid and lame. And you already know that the stupid American people
are going to vote one of those two creeps into office. It's sooo
The thing I hate about this election is that I'm not being represented.
It's like nobody cares what I think. That's why I've decided that
I'm going to run for president. That's right, mom and dad.
I, Annie Desmond, am running for president, and there's not a single damned
thing you can do about it.
I decided to run as an anarchist because anarchists are all about not
following rules and stuff, and I totally agree because I think rules are
stupid. And Anarchy and Annie both start with an "A," so on my buttons
and t-shirts I can just put a big "A" on it. That saves a lot of
time and money. I thought that was pretty smart of me. Here's
Isn't it soooo cute?
So I'm starting the Annie Desmond Anarchist Party. My party consists
of me, because I'm an anarchist and we anarchists are all individualistic.
Oh, and my friend Stacey, because her treehouse is better than mine.
I'm running as a write-in candidate, because I figured that would be a
lot easier. Oh yeah, here's my party platform.
I. No more curfews. I get to stay up as late as I want,
even if my parents think I shouldn't because I'm not old enough.
What do they know, they're the ones seeing marriage counsellors.
II. I get to eat whatever I want, and if I don't want to eat something
then I don't have to, I can just throw it away or feed it to my dog.
III. If I want to suck Todd's penis while J.D. takes me from behind,
then I can do that because I'm a consenting adult whether the stupid government
thinks I am or not.
IV. The complete absolution of all forms of government, because
the highest attainment of humanity is the freedom of the individual to
express herself, unhindered by any form of repression or control from without.
V. Milk is stupid.
I think that's it. Oh yeah, I thought that there might be some
objections to me running for president because I'm not old enough.
Well, I think that rule's, well, you know. Stupid. Anyway,
I figure if I get enough votes, they'll make an exception.
So vote for me, Annie Desmond, in the upcoming election. If you
do, I might even let you come on my face. Tee hee!
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