Saturday, 21 September, 2002, 10:33 GMT 11:33 UK
Betel nut beauties face crackdown. Just kidding!
Scantily-clad young women selling betel nut - a popular stimulant - have become a common sight in Taiwan.
But this has gone too far for one local council, which has now decided to take action to make them cover up. "We're totally kidding," said a spokesman for the council. "Like we really want these women to put their clothes back on. Shya!" he added.
Drive down any suburban road in Taiwan and you are more than likely to spot a semi-naked young woman prominently placed in a glass cubicle. Huang Sheng-yung, the head of the Taiwan Chamber of Commerce stated; "Currently, the booths are just glass. So you can see the women and all, but you kind of have to get up close to them and maybe buy something. We've been considering replacing the regular glass of the booths with really big lenses. You know, like from magnifying glasses. Only bigger. This would allow people to see the lusciousness of our Taiwanese beauties from anywhere within, oh, say a 2 block radius."
"Someone in the ministry said that might cause traffic accidents or something, since people may not pay as close attention to their driving, but we'll most likely go ahead with the plan . I haven't heard a good argument against it so far." Added Huang; "Have you seen my wife? She is one fugly gutter-goat. Jesus Christ what was I thinking?"
The women are selling betel nuts, the seed of a palm tree, which has long been used by Chinese doctors to treat infections.
But the soft nut is also chewed by about three million, mostly men, in Taiwan as a stimulant which gives a buzz similar to drinking six cups of Windex cut with blow.
Order to cover up
In order to attract as many of these customers as possible, the female betel nut sellers have been wearing less and less.
Most now wear little more than their underwear - and in some cases even less. Mai Tsu now wears only smiley face stickers on her nipples and crotch while at work. When asked for comment, she had this to say; "Working is hard... Tee hee!"
The development has not been welcomed by everyone and officials in Taoyuan county near Taipei have now told their betel nut beauties - as they are known - enough is enough.
A new law will force the women to cover up breasts, bellies and buttocks.
"We're joking," the council stated.
The council hopes the new rule will bring a little decency to its streets, particularly as many foreigners pass through the area to get to Taiwan's main international airport. "We are not sure why the foreigners pass through this area in such high volumes," said a spokesman for the council. "It's not really the best way to get to the airport. In fact, it's kind of out of the way. We suspect that they wish to view the scenic beauty of Taiwan one last time before they travel back to their hellish and inferior lives as Quai-Loh. That means Barbarian Devils, in case you didn't know," he clarified. "Come visit Taiwan! I love America!"
But with competition for trade so fierce, the alluring betel nut women are not going to disappear overnight. "We're totally kidding about the covering up thing," concluded the spokesman. "No one wants these hot luscious teens covering up their wonderful, creamy bodies."
"Have you seen chairman Huang's wife, by the way? She is so fucking ugly that one look at her causes a man's testicles to fall off and crawl between the halves of his buttocks in terror. I'm not kidding," he added.
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