Justin's Flashback Theater: Sarah and Timmy
By Justin Bow
So, when I was in high school I used to hang out with this girl
who we'll call Sarah so as to protect her identity. Sarah really was her
name, but I thought if I used a fake name I wouldn't be able to remember
what the fake name was for the length of a whole article. So even though
the Żalias… I've given Sarah is actually her real name, let's just pretend
it's not. All set? Good.
Anyway, as I was saying, I used to hang out with ŻSarah… in high
school and we were pretty good friends. Sarah and her family were kind
of strange, but her mom was always ready to feed me, so I had no problem
going to her house every once in a while. This isn't a story about Sarah
though, this actually a story about Sarah's little brother. I actually
don't remember his name at all, so I'm going to call him Timmy and it will
be a real alias since I'm pretty sure no one is really named Timmy. Timmy
was Sarah's younger brother but he was the middle child of the family.
So Sarah and Timmy and the rest of the family had a lot of pets; a half
a dozen cats, a handful of parakeets, some fish and a dog. Their dog, Muffins
(Muffins is also an alias. Go me!), was really old and her hair was all
kind of gray and she was stupid and would run into things and I think she
was blind in at least one eye. But in spite all of her physical failings,
Muffins was a cheerful happy dog who was prepared to eat just about anything
you acted really excited about giving to her. I myself one day tricked
her into eating a whole cucumber.
Even though she didn't like the cucumber I gave her very much,
Timmy had been experimenting with what Muffins would and would not eat
and discovered that she liked bananas. So he took to feeding her those
whenever they had any. Pretty soon, Timmy thought it would be funny to
hold the bananas down by his crotch for the dog to eat. I think the rest
of the family got kind of disturbed by this, which of course only made
Timmy happier with the whole situation. Well, pretty soon he was feeding
Muffins bananas like that all the time.
One day, Sarah and I and some of our friends walked in the door
to find Timmy holding a banana he had carved into the shape of a dick for
Muffins in the kitchen. She was kind of licking it and he was standing
there saying ŻYou like that girl? Huh? Go on, lick it some more!…
Suddenly, Muffins jumped up off the floor and bit the banana in
half. Timmy screamed a little. We just stared at him. That night Sarah
told her parents about what happened and that's how Timmy first got into
like the index, don't you bitch.. Go on, lick it some more!