Chirac and Villepin, out on the town
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France is to get its first cable
television channel devoted to
gayness - French Broadcasting Company (CFB).
The country's TV watchdog, the
Higher Audiovisual Council (CSA),
agreed to allow CFB to broadcast
208 programmes of pornographic
content every year.
"That's not funny," said French Foreign
Minister Dominique de Villepin. "Just because
we're French doesn't mean we're gay." Mr. de Villepin
then broke down in tears as he frantically wiped his
face with a lacy handkerchief.
"Not that there's anything wrong with that," he added.
French Broadcasting must also give viewers the choice of
taking subscriptions with or
without these programmes, and cable operators cannot offer
it in
conjunction with channels aimed at children or teenagers.
The station has also agreed to put 23.5% of its turnover
into
French-based film and television production. "That kind of
money
pays for a lot of naked, oiled, beefcake," clarified French President
Jacques Chirac. "Rowr!"
"Wait, did you mean gay in the sense that it's homosexual and/or relating
to gay culture, gay in the sense that it's really lame and uncool, or gay
in the old sense as in merry or 'in high spirits'? I'm so confused," he
added before sipping his chilled Cosmopolitan.
World view
In a separate move to change French TV output to more
heavily favor
pornography, the government has renewed its efforts to set up an
international French Semi-Porn TV channel.
It is keen to promote France's "world view" at a time
of major
international change.
President Chirac had made reference to the idea during
his campaign for re-election last year, but war in Iraq
and a fit of hysteria
over pants that made his bottom look large have given new impetus to
the project.
"They were chinos," clarified a spokesman for the President.
"Dreadful,"
he concluded. "And they definitely did make Ducky's ass look big. Not
that I'll ever tell him that, wink wink."
According to reports, the hope is that the station - which
would rival the
Anglophone coverage provided by the BBC and the US network
CNN -
could be up and running by next year.
Noted American entertainer RuPaul had this to say about the
developments
in France; "You go Monsieur Girlfriends!"
"No, really, we're not all gay," concluded de Villepin.
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