I made up some dirty jokes the other day. I warn you that these jokes contain profanity and may be unsuitable for children below the age of 13. In fact, you may want to cover your children's ears as you read this in case you accidentally read portions of the jokes out loud, soiling your children's auditory receptacles with your dirty filth-talk. That, and blind them with a hankerchief or fork so that they can't read it themselves. Unless they are already blind or haven't learned to read yet, in which case I guess it's okay.

Enjoy!

***

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other fucking side.

***

Why do motherfucking firemen wear red suspenders, bitch?

To keep their cocksucking, motherfucking pants up!

***

Why are Scotsmen buried on the sides of goddamn hills?

Cause they're fucking dead. Asshole.

***

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fucking apple.

Fucking apple who?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fucking apple.

Fucking apple who?

Knock knock.

Who the fuck is there, you fat cunt?

Fucking orange.

Fucking orange who?

Fucking orange you glad I didn't say fucking apple? You apple-fucking prostitute?

***

Jesus Christ, how many piece of shit asshole fucking idiots does it take to screw in one fucking lightbulb, you retarded-ass cockmaster?

Three, dickwad. One stupid motherfucker to hold the fucking lightbulb, and two more son-of-a-bitch fuckers to turn the fucking ladder, you fucking lousy, fucking good-for-nothing, fucking piece of shit fucking fuck fucker DIE DIE DIE.

***

That's all the dirty jokes I have for now. I hope you enjoyed them. I'm off to anger management class, so see you later!

(Jerks.)



See Also:

Cancer Victim Jokes

big fat fucking index